Calling all cowards to take a step forward out of the darkness because I cannot do it alone.(February 2013)

I have been hesitant about moving forward for quite some time now. 

 I would consciously realize it,
 take one of those deep breaths that consumed my all
and made my heartbeat race to my head. 

Then, as quickly as that arose,
 my subconscious knew to cover it's own ass before a meltdown would occur.

Emotions would flood,
and because of my absolute awarness of being a stubborn nineteen year old female,
 I denied it.

 However,
time kept going.

It's never ever been this fast pace before.

I also have no ambition to catch up.

 So, yes I'm still hesitant about going anywhere else than where I am.

The thing is I despise where I'm at. I know I can do better.

I know I can.