You've got to trust your struggles...

While watching several meteors fly across the sky while working an extremely eventful awake overnight at a group home I realized two things I thought couldn't go unwritten:

Being pregnant is not all that it is cracked up to be.  I've truly never been happier awaiting my beautiful baby girl, but in sheer moments of explosive hormones, I panic. However, in those moments of persevering panic I learn the strength that has been buried within my entire existence. And if the panic filled hormones don't mentally prepare a mother for what is to come, the peeing 7 times a night certainly does.

& 

A bad day is only a bad day if you end it on that note. There are so many uncertainties that live amongst us on the daily that even when the space around you seems like it's closing in, you've got to trust your struggles.

Update of Photos

 

 

1: Bindi and Film
2: Kiernan within abandonment
3: About to prepare some venison
4. NH trestle
5.Bitchin' with my best
6.Bella and I
7.Halloween with my sisters
8. Intuition self portrait
9.Baby Brayden
10.Maddison Vickers
11.Halloween Costume
12.NH exploration
13. Woman of the field
14.Best Friend and I in NH
15.Sunset in Plymouth, NH
16.Halloween shenanigans
17. Nugget lovin'
18.Within the field
19.Brayden
20.Fairfax,VA
21.Ronoake, VA
22.Jasmine and Bella
23.Grandpa Gray
24.The Gray's
25.Dancer
26.Halloween with some beauties
27.Halloween night
28.Fairfax, VA
29.Winter in Narragansett
30. Within destruction
31.Blue eyes
32. Self Portrait within VA
33.Breaking and Entering
34. Cold cruisin'
35.Snowball fight with the best
36.Childhood friends
37. Self
38. Ministerial Rd
39. Christmas climbing trees
40.Self
41.NH snow mobile
42. Boston outside bookstore
43.Candles
44.Beach
45.Adventuring
45.Best friend
46.Snow floating
47. Self Portrait
48.Red lips

Day by day the light leaks through the cracks.

The cracks of my foundation that seemed so hopeless and seemingly scaring.

The light has awaken what has always been inside.

Day by day strength allows change to be the purgative.

The change allows me to align myself with constant empowerment.

The prodding past does not define my dignity.

 

 

 

Calling all cowards to take a step forward out of the darkness because I cannot do it alone.(February 2013)

I have been hesitant about moving forward for quite some time now. 

 I would consciously realize it,
 take one of those deep breaths that consumed my all
and made my heartbeat race to my head. 

Then, as quickly as that arose,
 my subconscious knew to cover it's own ass before a meltdown would occur.

Emotions would flood,
and because of my absolute awarness of being a stubborn nineteen year old female,
 I denied it.

 However,
time kept going.

It's never ever been this fast pace before.

I also have no ambition to catch up.

 So, yes I'm still hesitant about going anywhere else than where I am.

The thing is I despise where I'm at. I know I can do better.

I know I can.

 

 

 

Sometimes you have to throw your hands in the air, call bullshit and love yourself as deeply as you can.

As of the moment I am two months shy of being two decades old.I withhold five jobs. I have somewhat "lost it". However, I am more in tune with myself, and out of whack with the world than I have ever been. Contradicting as always, I presume. And laughter seems to be a constant, as do some sweet, powerful souls in my time is of the essence routine. I have lost some love, which causes me to fuck up more days than not;although, we all fuck up. I breathe, and I live, day to day. I am truly trying to utterly understand how the world works.

While in the midst of trying to figure it all out some photos were captured. Filled with love, desire and wonder they remind me of why I carry on.... with such as strong sense of adventure, of course....

1.Shannon,blue eyes
2.Within the castle. North Kingstown, RI
3. Self
4.Classic adventure pose
5.Bringwall beauty
6.Casual Shannon
7.Messy Room
8.End of an adventure day with my beauties
9.Laur is hot
10.Best friend
11.She's a gypsy amonst the sunflowers
12.Beautiful Buttonwood Farm, CT
13.Red lips, brick wall
14.Dead
15.What was. Somewhere in CT
16.Self
17.Self
18. Destruction
19.Boots
20. Hick
21.Bella and I
22.I was rockin' that day at the Washington County Fair
23.Laughter
24."She'll always remember your rings"
25. Fair with my favorite ladies
26.Bella in the camper
27.Second home
28.Laur and Big Guy